It's Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day to my two little loves of my life!  So it's Valentine's Night now, and Roman- it's just me and you buddy.  And... you just fell asleep on me.  So I'm spending my Valentine's Day night searching Pinterest and watching HGTV and The Millionaire Matchmaker.  Talk about lame! :)  That's okay.  A little bit different than what most people are probably doing.. but hey - it's just a day like any other.   Reesey- you had a "party" at your preschool to exchange Valentine's and treats.  Normally you don't go to school today - so you had to miss ballet, but you were really excited for your party. :)  You woke up this morning to a few presents:  a dust, and broom cleaning set Gigi said you picked out (strangely haha), a magic wand, and Cinderella Magic wonder markers set, and nail stickers from me. :)You really enjoyed your presents. :)  Then Daddy picked you up after school, and you'll be back tomorrow morning.

It's a little bit sad for Mommy that this is my first Valentine's Day as a single mommy.  Not only that - but the NBA AllStar Game is here in Houston this year, so it's just another reminder (and trigger I guess) of some painful emotions.  BUT I do have something to be extremely happy about!  ... WE GOT A HOUSE!!  Our sweet little yellow cottage will be ready for us in just a few weeks.  I can't even believe it.  God completely performed a miracle for this house.  He made SURE that I didn't get anything else but this one.  He saved this dream home just for us.  It's right by Gigi and Papa's house (down the street!) and it wasn't even on the market!  Thanks to Papa- he saw the moving furniture outside and asked them if they were moving.  We ended up seeing the inside, talking to realtors and placing an offer!  It even has a huge playset in the back, orange trees, fruit and veggie gardens, all appliances, hard wood floors and white walls!! It is perfect!  God knew exactly what we needed, and I believe he placed just the right neighbors around us.  I can't wait to make this home a place where sweet sweet memories are formed, and love surrounds you both each and every day.  This will be your safe haven.  A place where you can always feel the warmth of your Mommy's hugs and kisses, and the strong comfort of God's blessings.

I've decided to fully surrender to the promise that GOD WILL PROVIDE.  He ALWAYS DOES!  He provided this house for us, when I sought Him and obeyed Him truly with my whole heart.  A few other houses I offered on - were sold or stolen out from under me, and it was devastating.  But this door was wide open, and I can't wait to see all the many more miracles God has in store for us through this house.  I'm just tearing up right now, so HAPPY thinking about all the times we will share here together.  We are in this together.  Mommy loves you more than anything.  And so does your heavenly Father.  He is EVERYTHING.  On Valentine's Day and EVERY day I'm going to remember God loves us and is always going to take care of us.  I love you sweet kiddies.  XOXO

Looking for a home!

January 19, 2013

Hi love lambs... It has been a long long time since I last posted.  I'm sorry! So much has been happening.  For starters we have been looking for a home.  House searching is a little exhausting and emotional, but it's going steady so far.  No house yet- but we are praying so hard for just the RIGHT home.  I wanted to keep my budget pretty low so that we would have some wiggle room with all the expenses that come with a house.  So initially when we first start looking at homes in our price range- it was a little scary to say the least.  The first house we looked at was adorable from the outside, but inside there were missing ceilings (CEILINGS!), terrible cracks on the walls, random holes, water stains, etc. etc.  It was pretty devastating to come to the realization that my money not go as far as I'd hoped.  Going from a huge custom-built mansion in a gated community to a house with no ceilings, was a hard pill to swallow.  Through this process I have learned to genuinely put my TRUST in the ONE who knows what's best for us as a family.  The Only who can place us exactly where we are meant to be.  I have been driving up and down the streets of Nottingham Country praying over every house in the neighborhood DAILY, with tenacity.  Praying that one of these homes will be ours in the near future.  I want the best safe haven for you two.  That is number 1 on my priorities right now.  I want to build a home where you both truly feel SO LOVED, and cherished.  Memories will form, and traditions will be a part of our home forever.  Regardless of where we end up, I want you two (I almost said ya'll - Texas is really getting to me I guess!) to know that YOU are where my home is.  Home is wherever we are together.  I love you more than words can express.  I miss you this weekend.  Can't wait to hold you in my arms and put on "princess outfit" and "mermaid tail" and watch Beauty and the Beast together.
All my love XOXO *Mommy

Silly silly Potty training

Reesey girl - you are just cracking me up with this potty training.  The other day Mommy tried to attempt the "3 day potty training method" which even the sound of it is terrifying.  I put you in an old t-shirt and some thick undies with nothing else.  I mainly tried to get you to stay on the big blanket I laid out in our living room so you wouldn't have accidents all over the apartment!  For the most part you did pretty good!  I set my alarm on my phone for every 30 minutes to take you to the potty, and you did a great job.  Every time you do the whole potty routine and nothing actually comes out you get one M&M and when you do go pee pee or poo poo you get 2 M&M's which makes you really excited.  I'm hoping you will be fully potty-trained by your 3rd birthday.  So that gives me about 6 weeks?!  You can do it girl!  You are definitely smart enough, and know how to, its just if you can make it in time. We'll get there. :)

Just yesterday was a really hard day for Momma.  Your dad and I had our divorce mediation.  Although it was really upsetting for me to to have to give up any time with you and Roman, I agreed to giving your Dad a lot more time with you than the "Standard Possession Order" we were practicing temporarily.  At least until Roman turns 3.  I want you guys to know your Dad, and I want him to know you.  These first years are so precious and despite what is happening between the two of us and the divorce, all I want is what is absolutely best for you two.  It kills me to think about how your relationship with your dad and I will be when you are older.  Will you compare the two of us constantly?  Will you enjoy his house more than mine?  When will you ask me why we separated?  Will you understand why I left him? ... I'm sure you will have so many questions, and I will be prepared to answer all of them.  But one thing for sure I want to make certain you understand is that this divorce had NOTHING to do with either of you.  It was not your fault in anyway.  By the time you are reading this, I hope that you understand the details of why I had to make this decision for us.  I love you with all of my heart, and would never want you to see a bad marriage from your parents.  I think the best way you can love your kids is to show them the love of Christ.  To show them in your own relationships what love is, especially in your own marriage.  I didn't want you guys to grow up witnessing our unhealthy marriage.  God has been strongly working in both your father and I in many amazing ways.  There is so much redemption coming from even the most painful circumstances.  I truly feel like "Much Afraid" going up to the High Places and becoming "Grace and Glory"!  Our God is so faithful.  I am so thankful for how He has protected us and guided us each day.  Your mommy loves you so much it is painful.  You are both with your dad right now for the weekend.  So I am using this alone time to really seek God's peace and understanding, and fill my mind with Him.  I know you are in His hands even when I can't see you or hold you.  I miss you terribly!  LOVE YOU BABIES... XOXOXO Love, Mommy

Our Comforter

Reesey girl -
I was just thinking of a memory from not too long ago of you and I at the Galleria mall.  You were having a MAJOR MELTDOWN.  I mean major! I don't know what the matter was - but you were not a happy girl. So we are in front of the Starbucks line where I was trying to get you a milk that you had been begging for.  I finally receive the milk (you're crying and screaming this whole time), and then I hand you the milk, and you don't want it.  I had had it!  After a 15 minute detour and passing up the whole reason we came to the mall, you didn't want the milk!  And you wouldn't sit in your stroller either so you begin flailing in tears on the ground right in the middle of everyone who's trying to enjoy a nice relaxing cup of coffee.  So I'm literally trying to use Papa's "karate chop" method to get you into your seat and strap you in.  Obviously the entire Starbucks area was staring at us, and I was no doubt losing my cool.  But all of a sudden this beautiful older woman comes over.  She literally just picks you up from the ground and holds you real close and starts singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star".  You immediately calm down completely.  No more tears, no screams, nothing.  She's rocking you in her arms, singing, and talking to you.  After the song was over she asked you if you were okay, and you said yes, then she places you in the stroller and gives you a kiss and says goodbye!!

 I was literally brought to tears in that moment watching this woman.  I truly believe I witnessed an angel that day.  She helped ME and YOU calm down when we really needed it.  I've learned so much from that moment.  Isn't that a picture of what God does for us?  We are kicking and screaming and nothing is working for us, and then all it takes is listening to God, and allowing Him to hold us and comfort us like He does so well, and we are at peace.

Now... I'd like to say that leaving that Starbucks you were just a happy little clam, and sat without the slightest noise the rest of the shopping trip, but in about 5 seconds after leaving the Starbucks the wailing began in full force Round #2.  But I had a whole different feeling of patience, and calm.  No more anxiety and feeling like I was going to explode!  You and I have many guardian angels watching over us, and our Heavenly Father knows exactly what we need, when we need it.  When I feel overwhelmed or enraged I am going to rest in the arms of Jesus, and listen to His sweet words to fill my heart.  He is our ultimate Comforter.  I love you Reesey Poo.  XOXO *Mom

I love you babies!

Roman -
Today you are 7 weeks old!! What a big boy!  You are growing and changing everyday.  Just yesterday I noticed you were finally able to form little tears when you would cry!! That made me sad! :):) haha.. You forget that babies can't make tears until a certain age.  Luckily you don't cry that much.  You are such a happy baby.  You just started making little coo sounds and stretching really long with your body when you are excited!  I love you little man.

Reesey-
You are so funny girl.  The other day I was kind of having a rough morning and you go, "Mommy, You're the best EVER!!"  It made me literally laugh out loud.  Then I said, "Thank you Reesey.  YOU'RE the best ever!!" And you said really loudly, "THANK YOU MOMMY!!"  You crack me up.  But seriously, you are the best ever.  What a special child.  You always find a way to brighten my day, or just make me giggle.  And you are SO great with your brother too.  I had taken you guys to the store yesterday, and in the car you fell asleep.  I'm driving along and all of a sudden I hear, "It's okay Roro.  You're okay.  I'm righhhhhht hereeeee.  Reesey's righhhhhht here. "  I look back and your eyes are still shut.  You were completely asleep!!! :):) LOL Hysterical.  I love you Reesey Poo.  You are my big helper, and I know Roman is going to look up to his big sister so much.  Thank you for taking care of Mommy and helping her.  I love you.

...Oh parenting;):)

Oct. 14, 2012
Reese, Yesterday was a pretty funny day at church.  I pick you up from  your nursery class only to grab a soaking wet baby doll (your doll you named affectionately "Black Baby" haha) from your teacher Miss Gina.  She informed me that one of the little boys in your class decided Black Baby needed a "bath" in the toilet.  Nice. :)  I just had to laugh.  Kids are so funny.  It's amazing how much you have grown and learned in your speech lately too!   Just recently you said the phrases- "I forgot."  "What's the matter, Momma?" "What's so funny?!" ... and the funniest "IIIIII told you soooooo!"  I am surprised daily by what you pick up and copy us saying.

Your Gigi had her book signing yesterday for "Spirit Hunger". YAY! It is so amazing what God has accomplished through your grandma.  She is an incredible woman.  I hope to be the kind of woman she is, and mother to you that she has been to me.  She is someone who truly demonstrates Gods love to ALL the people she comes across.  Whether it's giving the gate guard in our community a Starbucks coffee in the morning just to be nice,  visiting a friend in the hospital, or coming over nightly to help Mommy by giving you a bath and tucking you in to bed- ALL this while EXTREMELY busy with a book deadline, weekly classes and scheduled radio/TV interviews, etc.etc.  She is super woman!  But God equips her.  When you love Jesus and you serve God in all you do, He makes a way for you.  He leads you on the right paths that take you to the High Places. :) I read two books this morning that really remind me of the kind of parent I want to be to you and Roman.  Hinds Feet On High Places by Hannah Hurnard and a small little booklet I received as a gift called "Parenting - What You Are Is What You Get" by Dr. Ed Young.  

In Hinds' Feet it talked about receiving Acceptance With Joy in your heart.  Regardless of all the crazy circumstances in our lives right now I want to have acceptance with joy because I know God is faithful and leading us in with GREAT purpose.  I'm sure if you are reading this you are now old enough to know the whole story of your Mom and Dad's marriage and why it had to end.  The hardest part of this pending divorce is not knowing the effects it will have on you and Roman in the future.  I hope it will be for the better.  For you to see a marriage that is full of love.  Love for each other, love for God, and love for you two.  I never want you to wonder WHAT LOVE IS or WHAT LOVE LOOKS LIKE.  I want you to know a healthy relationship versus an abusive one.  I want you to know how treasured you are by me, and the MIGHTY Father you have.  We are in this together.  As my sweet sweet daughter I hope to have a special bond with you that no man can ever take away or taint.   I hope for your husband one day to treasure you and love you with all his heart.  But most importantly to treasure and love GOD first with all his heart.  If he does - he will then know how to love you well.  No marriage is perfect but with God at the center, it can be fruitful and withstand even the hardest circumstances.

Sorry this is a long letter today but I had to share other things I learned about parenting!  I know I have the power over the kind of person you will become someday so I want to do my best to raise you well.   These are my prayers as a single mom:

1- Pray that God will multiply my time I have with you and Roman
2- Pray that God will make up for the man who is not there and the masculine image that is absent.
3- Pray that God will give me the energy, faith, and "acceptance with joy" that comes with parenting.
4- Pray that I will be "major on the majors" and not sweat the small stuff - like posture, eating veggies, etc.  - but focus on training you to serve God and really know Him.

I could add a billion other points to this list - but please know that I pledge to you and your brother to pray these daily.  I will do my best to listen and obey God with my parenting and my role as a mother and friend. I love you SO MUCH Reesey girl!!!

Reesey does not like Nite Nite time

Oh Reesey... Last night was pretty interesting to say the least.  You are probably just as sleep deprived as Mommy is right now!  You've been a little scared of sleeping in your room lately.  I don't know if it's because you are trying to adjust to the new apartment, or you hear Roro waking up in the middle of the night (many times) ;) ... But you are struggling girl!  I finally decided to make a little "bed" (comforter and pillows) for you by the side of my bed so when you were scared you could just come in and sleep on your little palette on the floor.  Welllll last night you just started there, because you were not trying to sleep in your big girl bed at all.  But in the middle of the night I hear you crying and saying "I'm stuck" very quietly.  I got out of bed to comfort you and I literally couldn't find you! It scared me SO BADLY!  Then I realized your voice was coming from underneath (I kid you not) my dresser!  You had somehow squeezed your way under there in your sleep!!!! It was a little difficult to get you out, but eventually we did, and Mommy moved you to the other side of the room where you couldn't slide under anything!  You're a little snake! ;)  Now it's funny - but at the time NOT so funny!! I love you Reesey Poo.  I know you'll adjust to being in your big girl bed soon enough, and I'll probably long to sit next to your bed reading, and "keeping watch" like a security guard over you while sea horse chymes and DreamLite doggie makes stars on your ceiling. :) You're growing up so fast.  I love seeing you change and mature.  You are my precious baby girl forever though.  I love you Lamb.  * Mommy.